Earlier this year I wouldn't have thought I would have nearly died. I ran into the year ignoring things and like every other year, not going to the doctor. At some point my wife said you need to establish a doctor. I went and did the discounted lab work and they found out some of my labs were out of wack. On my first appointment we made a plan, with me still guiding things, ignoring the possibility of having to do some more invasive testing. Additional appointments were scheduled with another provider who did extensive blood work and couldn't find the solution. I then agreed there was an issue and I should do the invasive procedures. During those I developed heart issues, and they found I had an infection. This resulted in damage to my heart, due to its long term aggressive nature towards my heart. For nearly 2 months I was on antibiotics to help kill it off. It damaged my heart beyond normal usage, but also meant they found a defect in my heart not previously seen. My heart required replacement of some valves which required my chest to be cracked and opened up. I was sedated and had terrible delirium.
Today I am back to normal mostly. I have some deficits, including some numbness in my hands and feet. But I am back to work.
While I was gone there was a fight over days off that no one told me about until today. I guess they were allowed to pick days they wanted off and one of them got greedy and wanted the same weekday off every week of the month. This upset one of the others, who then cursed and screamed at the other. Administration, then got frustrated because they said they knew the long hours and days would affect everyone. And the thing is I dont feel bad. Did I want to get back to work, yes. I could have been off several more months with all the sick time I had but I didn't want to burn it all and get into my vacation time. I looked at both sides of this and I think they both were wrong. When you know the situation is going to be long term, why would you take a day off every week which you know is going to cause issues ? Of course this also came from someone who is threatening to quit as well. I get upset with the job and I go home wore down. But I wake up and come back for my next shift. Its a struggle mentally for me to realize I was barely alive 2 months ago and here I am back, struggling. The job has not been a struggle for me, its realizing when I am idle where I was, what could have been.
The last week has had several older people who were confused. I was there last month and it felt terrible to hear how bad it was. I was confused where I was, I argued with hospital staff, I was seeing things, and thought things had happened that had not. I thought co-workers had been sedating me, and neglecting me. I was in a bad spot, the dreams during sedation were horrible.